“When we cross path, I will nurse your broken heart”, reads an entry dated 16th November, 2014 in Lisa’s Journal. Little did she know that in the surge to fix him, she will have herself broken into fragments of unrequited love. She ended up becoming distant and cold not because she does not feel rather she feels too much, beyond the words.
Thought and worries awoke her most of the days before dawn and she could only stare at the obscure sky with her blank eyes to find an answer. However, time is generous enough to wane the unsolicited and painful feelings into the remotest corners of the memory walls like old scars, if not entirely heal it. That was it. She have had enough of her time and energy wasted into someone who would least appreciate it. “This is as far as it will get”, thought Lisa as she panted heavily with her head bent down after she completed the tenth mile. Jogging is the favorite sport during her times of stress. It ignites her willpower into another level when she realizes every twitching of the nerve and cramping of the muscle that ensues after each workout is not the sign of her breaking down, but of passing into a higher level of threshold.
After several months, she finally would let it go. Everyday, she thought a little less about him until the day when his figure became insignificant as the birds which appear like a dot in the distant sky. No chanced encounter will ever revive the emotions that she, with great efforts shove away.
He is a hole in her heart.
And she is afraid it is
Once again, the Prince Charming of her dreams becomes faceless, nameless and surreal.
Its 11:11 pm. I took a day off from work although I had to attend my classes at the college. I am supposed to sleep at 10 tonight as per my new routine but lately, things are going out of control. I am eventually becoming an expert at procrastination. I have had many things undone. No, not because of my busy schedule although that would come out to be a great excuse. Even if you are the busiest person on the face of the earth, you will have enough time to ponder over your lamentations. Ironic this life is! Perhaps being busy is a failed means of escape from something as inescapable as pain.
The truth is I have been trying to forget someone, erase all memories I have ever associated with him. No, he was never my boyfriend. Just a perfect stranger I met once by mere chance. Someone that I had lunch with, by mere chance.(?) A stranger that I was friend with on a social network, someone towards whom I have grown a particular fondness. How strange the human mind works, how it conditions itself to like some things and dislike others.
It was a pleasure as much as it was a pain to know him. To read him. To listen to him. And then think about him during the lazy hours at work or in the class when your lecturer stands behind the podium complaining about the incessant Bangalore traffic. I think of him on my way back to home and in the bus. Well, it happens almost at an everyday basis. I try my best to put away the unsolicited thoughts and feelings which amazingly and naturally grasps my mind, every time without my noticing it. About him, most of the people in my friend circle know. They know my foolishness. That’s the term that they refer to me as whenever I start talking about him. Foolish!
Am I really a fool, to be thinking of him even to these days??
I made my confession long ago. He courteously denied it and asked me to remain a friend instead which is a painful task, for me at least.
How should I get over this FOOLISHNESS?
The ordeals in an ordinary student’s life are unfamiliar to not many of minds, I believe. Those realms of time when you are not only expected to learn and explore new things but, somehow, also have them put into practice throughout your real life. But, such as the ones, that a diasporic number of students in exile like the Tibetan students around the world is acquiesced with, almost in a diurnal basis, is however less known and sadly far less understood.
Being informed about the 9th Tibetan College Students’ Conference by a friend was the first step towards this realization. I decided to attend the conference which was to be held in DLIHE, Bangalore intuitively, without a mere second thought.
TCSC is a collaboration of Tibetan students pursuing their higher studies in different parts of India. Ever since its inception in 2006, the conference has been organised annually in different locations across India, solely by the efforts of the students. TCSC has provided a forum for the Tibetan college students to identify with each other, share their experiences and challenges faced as a refugee student and discuss ways to resolve it.
Personally, after getting alienated to a campus in Bangalore with hardly few Tibetans around had long left in me an ensuing effect of putridity upon my national identity. Yet, from the moment, I stepped inside DLIHE, a strange feeling of bliss and belongingness overpowered my whole being as I settled into a familiar atmosphere. The first day of the conference was addressed by Choepa Kyap, the Chief Organiser of the year 2014 and Dr. Bhumo Tsering, The Principal of DLIHE. The opening ceremony witnessed dignitaries like Jigmey Jungney and KS Rangappa, Vice Chancellor, University of Mysore with conferment of Bodkyi Ama Award to Ama Jetsun Pema as a symbol of gratitude for her unbounded contribution to our society and The TCSC Award to MN Rajesh for his support towards the Tibetan cause.
The following days, the students’ representatives from each place had to come up with their presentations on the topics allotted by the organizers. The decree to speak in the mother tongue without getting it alloyed with other languages was made and practiced strictly, emphasizing on the importance of the Tibetan language in the struggle of Tibet and in the survival of Tibetan culture and tradition in exile. Many conscientious participants raised their opinions and suggestions to the benefit of the people, sometimes even with prolonged debate between the two counterparts.
Along with the interactions, there were days when spokespersons from outside were invited. For instances, Tsering Tsomo, Executive Director of TCHRD and Researcher Thinley Wangtop gave insights on their respective topics. Likewise, a mini workshop on Self Exploration, Career Planning and Effective Presentation Skills by Envision Group was provided. Interactive sessions with resource persons such as Penpa Tsering, speaker of Tibetan Parliament in Exile, Ngodup Tsering, Minister of Education and Tsewang Yeshi, President of TCV were held where also certain clauses from the TCSC were presented for the improvisation of the education system in exile.
The Tibetan College Students’ Conference differs from the various other conferences that I have attended in several aspects. Firstly, not most of the conferences are organised and managed exclusively by the students. The most inspirational thing about the conference was the dedication and fervour with which the organising committee consisting of ten student members had the conference managed exceptionally well despite of their other commitments. It reaffirmed to us the boon of working wholeheartedly and in a team. Secondly, I had the opportunity to meet and discuss with other Tibetan students about the difficulties and challenges we face with our mutual situation as a refugee.
The sessions were always interesting as students also got to expound their views and approach towards the current situation of Tibet. Even from the countenance, so to say, the look of absorption and enthusiasm in the participants’ faces could draw anyone to the same conclusion. More significantly, many proposals to preserve the Tibetan language were made. Someone raised the question of the rarity of Tibetan translations of international bestselling books and famous literary pieces which indulge the participants into further discussion. For one thing is clear, the modern Tibetan intellects should work more on publishing Tibetan translations of English books than the opposite along with the classical and contemporary Tibetan literatures. “To annihilate a nation or race, one should annihilate their language” is a popular quote by Mao which is currently being applied by the Chinese government to the Tibetans in Tibet. But we, the Tibetans in exile are most obliged to preserve and promote our language by sanctioning the rights of living in a free world.
The most important impact it had is, it awaken in us, the sense of responsibility towards our country. Until then, I’d have called myself a concerned Tibetan student who, for the most, might have vindicated about the issue of Tibet in some social medias during the sporadic upheavals and incessantly disheartening circumstances pertaining to Tibet. But, no sooner will I have it forgotten too. Not because I want to but because we all have been attuned to react in such ways. It appears to me that for all these years, the majority of the Tibetans have about them a predisposed quality of utmost patience in their struggle for freedom which is indubitably an admirable one. Still, the wait alone seems inadequate to resurrect the lost sovereignty, peace and freedom of our country.
Although the world for their own interest acts ignorant to the constant repercussion of the Tibetans in Tibet, we can’t afford to. It strikes me with what sanguine hope the world awaits tomorrow, if it is so unjustified. Nonetheless, our responsibility is to unveil the panoply of lies that had blinded with what we call as the might of education.
PS: This was long written for some other purpose but never shared until now.
at the crest of a heart,
that belongs to,
an illusionary figure
of this half sane mind
He’s an illusion
my mind, the illusionist
my heart, the audience
gasping and beguiled,
at a mere chimera,
Overturn and overthrong,
At which rate,
The heart flinches,
With emotions as powerful,
Magnanimous as the Arizona
Curious to solve a mystery,
self created, theatrical as it is,
speculating on matters,
as trivial as,
the touch of his hand,
the gaze of his eyes,
But when I do speak of eyes,
its when I closed it,
that I see that figure.
Magic as he is,
That he remains,
Novel: Anna Karenina
Author: Leo Tolstoy
Translated from Russian by: Rosemary Edmonds
Rating: 3 out of 5
“Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
Although this is not quite the right time to write a review, perhaps due to the fact that I last read (struggled reading would be more definitive though) this book five months ago, which may elicit in the minds of its readers; consciously or unconsciously, out of this particular review’s credibility, however I promise to justify it best within the provision of my less than dexterous memory. When at first I started the book, I was in every sense, enthralled with both excitement and eagerness to read and finish it as soon as my lax reading ritual allows me to, most of such sentiments largely instilled by few of the reviews that I came through, moreover because of the reputation of its world class author and the book itself being proclaimed as the world’s greatest novel. For some time, I enjoyed the vivacity of the novel; the atypical Tolstoy style of writing which tenaciously but aptly portrays each characters with their self-righteous view points on almost every aspects of the typical Russian livelihood.
But,after a while the novel starts to drift away from its plot at certain points where the characters such as Constantine Levin divulge into prolong discussions usually followed by debates over as subjects as simple as the peasantry’s prospects to other more pragmatic topics such as farm technology. The title of the book “Anna Karenin” doesn’t justly substantiate for the story which unexpectedly turned out to be a merging of the narrations of two individuals, as in a double plot. The former being Anna Karenin, an aristocratic lady married to the reputed and much respected government official Karenin, who eventually indulges in adultery after a chanced encounter with the young and attractive Count Vronsky. The latter is the idealist Levin, who is widely known to be the veiled self-portrait of the author himself which makes much sense. The interior monologue of Levin which mostly revolves around his long unsettled obsession and constant fretting over his behavior or misbehavior around his beloved Kitty becomes annoying at times. Even so, it is through the same mode that Tolstoy
bring about several important moral and philosophical concerns which pose as one of the few merits of the novel.
As an avid reader, I took prodigiously a great length of time and motivation to finish this book. More than the plot, I enjoyed Tolstoy’s style of writing and his masterly usage of symbols and epithets which sounds all so natural.
Deliver to us the freedom,
Yes! The freedom
To practice our inherited religion,
With the guidance of our root guru,
In resurrection to the epoch of peace and harmony,
We call no intrusion from your communist legion.
Deliver to us the freedom.
The freedom to voice our opinions,
Tell me. Are we not the people of the same free world?
Why are we not justified with the basic human rights?
Or, is it that we are the forsaken ones.
Deliver to us the freedom.
The freedom to choose our gurus,
To worship and protect them,
Are we wronged for the faith of ours,
And because that we act on compassion?
Deliver to us the freedom!
The freedom to conserve our nature,
Whose shrills and cries are ought to be heard,
If the world has something called sensibility,
Why? Are you yet to experience the ravages?
Drought, famine and the infamous global warming.
Deliver to us the freedom,
The freedom to speak in our mother tongue,
With pride in heart and peace in mind,
And learn it in school and universities,
Is that really too much to ask for?
Deliver to us the freedom.
The freedom to claim what’s that ours as ours,
For once, you and us,
Let the truth be unfeigned,
You enjoy the air of your land,
And let us do the same.
Deliver to us the freedom,
The freedom that had been an allegory of a kind,
Such that had once been synonymous to breathing,
Because that is only what will free us.